Away From the Sun
by PrincessXPrincess
Summary: Hikaru expresses his feelings about Haruhi and Tamaki's relationship  Oneshot. onesided HikaruXHaruhi,implied TamakiXHaruhi.


Hello! and I'm back with another fic :) I thought of this in school yesterday. I wrote this because I want to try writing a different writing style.

BTW,I'm a thirteen-year old so please forgive grammatical errors, if any. I don't have a beta reader and I tried to type this as fast as I can because I have a contest tomorrow. Ugh. I seriously think I'm not good at this, but it's worth a try.

anyways, Enjoy! :D

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[Hikaru POV]

This is really low. Here I am, sitting under a tree, watching the rest of the host club play happily. We've all graduated from high school, and today is somewhat a reunion.

Kaoru and I usually do everything together. But not today. Today is different. For once I'm not annoying the hell out of Tamaki. For once I'm not by my twin's side. For once the usually cold Kyouya is happily playing a stupid game with them. For once everybody is laughing their hearts out.

But not me.

My heart isn't celebrating like theirs. My heart is bleeding. My heart is being torn apart, bit by agonizing bit.

Kaoru and I always thought that every other person in the world was an idiot. But that philosophy changed when the host club was formed. Slowly, we started coming out of our own little world, and stepped into a world where everyone interacts with each other.

But my life changed even more when Haruhi entered the picture. Even if she doesn't really notice it, she changed my life completely. With her by my side, I feel contented, complete. I couldn't ask for anything more.

Who would've thought I'd fall in love with a poor scholar? It's something I never thought would actually happen. Before, the mere thought of falling in love almost made me puke. But the moment she opened the door to the host club, I felt the one thing I feared of feeling. With her and only her, I felt love.

At first I tried to deny it, but I guess I just couldn't go on pretending that she's my toy. I couldn't continue annoying her, when in truth I just want to protect her from every single bad thing in her life. I want to hold her, to tell her everything's going to be alright, no matter how long it takes.

But I can't do those things. She doesn't love me, she loves Tamaki. She loves that dork. I can't really blame her, though. One thing I learned about life is that you can't choose who you're going to love. It happens so suddenly, you won't even know what hit you. Besides, behind all that dorkiness, Tamaki is a truly pure person. Though it seems like he just cares about himself most times, he's one of those people who truly care about others. He loves the host club, that much we can all see. He cares about the members of the host club, the school and even the girls we serve everyday.

Though it's a pain to admit it, he deserves Haruhi. I don't. I'm a big fat liar and I make fun of everyone.

As an excuse, I told myself that I bully all those people to lessen, if not fully quench my thirst for challenge and excitement. Seeing people who are below my level gives me illusory satisfaction, but it doesn't give me pleasure. It doesn't give me the happiness I crave for so badly.

But when I'm with Haruhi, I feel all the doubts inside my head subside. She's all I think of most of the time. She's the only one outside my family that can make me forget everything and make me happy with no apparent reason.

But it's not meant to be. We're not meant to be. Destiny, fate, circumstance and sometimes I think even God is against my happiness.

Seeing Tamaki and Haruhi right now, laughing, saying sweet things to each other, my chest tightens. And with every hug, every kiss the two of them share, the hand slowly squeezes the life out of my heart. Together with the squeezing is the feeling of being pricked by a thousand needles, all at once, repeated a million times over.

How I wish my heart would just die. Surely, having a numb heart would be better than feeling pain this intense. I would rather feel nothing, even if it costs my happiness. The pain is just too much to bear. Every fiber of my body yearns to be able to touch, comfort and make her laugh. Everything inside of me just wants to be loved the same way Haruhi loves Tamaki: unconditional and eternal. I want someone who can accept me for the person I am.

The more thought I put into it, the more I realized that maybe it just wasn't meant to be. Maybe destiny has a different plan for me. I _will_ continue living on. You'll see. I _will_ be happy. Someday, someway, someone's going to love me.

I need hope. I need courage. But I don't think I have that.

Then, I refocused my vision to the people still playing in front of me. I looked at Honey and Mori, at Kyouya and Kaoru, and finally, at Tamaki and Haruhi.

What have I been thinking? I have friends who, I know, will be with me through everything.

I smiled at the thought. 'I can do it!' I enthusiastically shouted in my head.

And cue another lovey-dovey session.

No. I'm not over it. It hurts too much. I pressed both of my hands to my chest, hoping it would somehow lessen the pain I'm feeling. But no, it doesn't. It still hurts.

I felt arms engulf me in a warm embrace. "Hikaru." Kaoru's soft voice whispered in my ear. I didn't even notice him coming up to me.

I expected him to say things like 'are you alright?' or 'who hurt you?' but I heard nothing. He just continued to hug me tightly.

"I'm gonna go to the comfort room." I said, escaping from his embrace. I stood up and took a few steps forward. Then I looked back at my twin. He is smiling, but crying. Somehow, I know he knows. He knows that I love Haruhi, even if I didn't tell it to him.

He knows that inside, I'm hurting. He knows that I'd probably try to do something stupid, but he let me go. I tentatively smiled at my twin and turned my back on him, moving forward without even knowing where I should go.

Slowly, unconsciously, my feet dragged me to a crowded street. Then my thoughts drifted to Ouran. I thought of all the girls I played with, and all the girls I bullied. _I'm useless. The world doesn't need me. _

Then I thought of the host club and how, even for a bit, it made me happy. Then I thought of Haruhi. Her small figure, her beautiful face, her soothing voice and her mesmerizing smile. That oh so wonderful smile. I love her because she's so gentle, so pure.

But lastly, I thought of Kaoru. My other half. He was the only true friend I had. For a long time, it was just the two of us together. Yeah, we had a few misunderstandings here and there but those just made us understand each other better. When everything went wrong, he was always there. Always. He is part of my happiness, the reason I kept on living all those boring years.

But he isn't here now, is he? He knew I would probably try to kill myself. But he didn't stop me. He let me fucking go! He doesn't love me enough to hold on.

*Screeeeeeeeeecchhhhhh….!*

The pain. It's everywhere. I didn't notice the speeding car. Hell, I didn't even notice I was walking in the middle of the street. It's too late now. My body hurts. I could feel blood gushing out mercilessly from every part of my body. I can't move. I can feel a few broken bones here and there.

And that's when it hit me. Hard. I'm gonna die, I knew it. No one can save me now.

My body hurts. It hurts so bad. Please, please just let me die so I could get rid of this pain now. Please. Just let me go.

I was about to close my eyes and embrace death when something hot and wet dropped in my cheek. Someone is screaming my name.

Kaoru?

No, please, don't let him see me in this condition. No. NO NO NO NO!

Slowly, I opened my eyes. And I saw him, crying an endless flow of tears. My eyes are starting to tear up.

"Kaoru, I …. I'm….so…rr..y. F-f-f..or ev…e…ry..thing." I managed to choke out, with tears steadily flowing from my eyes.

" HIKARU! No, please! I need you! Please hold on." The last sentence was almost a whisper. He's choking on his sobs.

" I…lo..ve …you..Kaoru….I…al..way..s…will"

His face calmed down. He loosened his grip on my hand. His breath stopped. He's giving up, I know it.

He just kissed my forehead and whispered: " Hikaru, no matter what, we'll always be together right? Just remember, wherever you might go, that I'll always love you. Remember that. Always."

I managed to slightly curve my lips to a slight smile.

Of course, I'll always be with you, Kaoru. Always.

I closed my eyes. Kaoru, don't forget me. Take care of yourself. Oh God, I want to say so much to him. But I can't.

_Kaoru_

Then everything went black.

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Soo, how was it? I don't usually ask readers to review but this is an experiment. I reallyyy want to know what you guys think about it. BTW, should I keep the rating at T or change it to M?

Your reviews are highly appreciated. thanks for reading :)


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